(This classic Dave Barry column was originally published Nov. 23, 2003.)
I like to think that I am a modest person. (I also like to think that I look like Brad Pitt naked, but that is not the issue here.)
There comes a time, however, when a person must toot his own personal horn, and for me, that time is now. A new book has confirmed a theory that I first proposed in 1987, in a column explaining why men are physically unqualified to do housework. The problem, I argued, is that men -- because of a tragic genetic flaw -- cannot see dirt until there is enough of it to support agriculture. This puts men at a huge disadvantage against women, who can detect a single dirt molecule 20 feet away. This is why a man and a woman can both be looking at the same bathroom commode, and the man -- hindered by Male Genetic Dirt Blindness (MGDB) -- will perceive the commode surface as being clean enough for heart surgery; whereas the woman can't even ``see'' the commode, only a teeming, commode-shaped swarm of bacteria. A woman can spend two hours cleaning a toothbrush holder and still not be totally satisfied; whereas if you ask a man to clean the entire New York City subway system, he'll go down there with a bottle of Windex and a single paper towel, then emerge 25 minutes later, weary but satisfied with a job well done.
When I wrote about Male Genetic Dirt Blindness, many irate readers complained that I was engaging in sexist stereotyping, as well as making lame excuses for the fact that men are lazy pigs. All of these irate readers belonged to a gender that I will not identify here, other than to say: Guess what, ladies? There is now scientific proof that I was right.
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This proof appears in a new book titled ``What Could He Be Thinking? How a Man's Mind Really Works.'' I have not personally read this book, because, as a journalist, I am too busy writing about it. But according to an article by Reuters, the book states that a man's brain ``takes in less sensory detail than a woman's, so he doesn't see or even feel the dust and household mess in the same way.'' Got that? We can't see or feel the mess! We're like: ``What snow tires in the dining room? Oh, those snow tires in the dining room.''
And this is only one of the differences between men's and women's brains. Another difference involves a brain part called the ``cingulate gyrus,'' which is where emotions are located. The Reuters article does not describe the cingulate gyrus, but presumably in women it's the size of a mature cantaloupe, containing a vast quantity of complex, endlessly recalibrated emotional data involving hundreds, perhaps thousands of human relationships; whereas in men it's basically a cashew filled with NFL highlights.
In any event, it turns out that women's brains secrete more of the chemicals ``oxytocin'' and ``serotonin,'' which, according to biologists, cause humans to feel they have an inadequate supply of shoes. No, seriously, these chemicals cause humans to want to bond with other humans, which is why women like to share their feelings.
Some women (and here I'm referring to my wife) can share as many as three days' worth of feelings about an event that took eight seconds to actually happen. We men, on the other hand, are reluctant to share our feelings, in large part because we often don't have any. Really. Ask any guy: A lot of the time, when we look like we're thinking, we just have this low-level humming sound in our brains. That's why, in male-female conversations, the male part often consists entirely of him going, ``Hmmmm.'' This frustrates the woman, who wants to know what he's really thinking. In fact, what he's thinking is, literally, ``Hmmmm.''
So anyway, according to the Reuters article, when a man, instead of sharing feelings with his mate, chooses to lie on the sofa, holding the remote control and monitoring 750 television programs simultaneously by changing the channel every one-half second (pausing slightly longer for programs that feature touchdowns, fighting, shooting, car crashes, or bosoms) his mate should not come to the mistaken conclusion that he's an insensitive jerk. In fact, he's responding to scientific biological brain chemicals that require him to behave this way for scientific reasons, as detailed in the scientific book ``What Could He Be Thinking? How a Man's Mind Really Works,'' which I frankly cannot recommend highly enough.
In conclusion, no way was that pass interference.
(c) 2009, Dave Barry
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...“Our Guys” Discussion After reading the article “Our Guys”, all I could think about was how ignorant some people really are! How could those boys get away with something so disturbing and dangerous? Did the judge not give any thought to how Leslie was going to cope and continue on with her life after a situation like that? How would her personality be affected by this? Would she ever be able to trust a male again? How would any of the girls in the school be able to trust that group of boys again? I strongly disagree with the final decision of the jury to let the boys go free until an “uncertain” date in the future. I understand why that decision might have been made, but what the boys did was a crime and should have been treated as such. Too many men are getting away with sexual harassment, rape, and even abuse because women are too afraid to tell anyone. According to a national survey in 1993, 81% of female public school students said they had been sexually harassed in high school, but only 7% of those harassed told a teacher about it. This statistic is just one of many that shows how females are ashamed of what happened and tend to internalize the issue, feeling that they must have done something to cause it to happen. There are many cultures and communities that tend to misuse women, but one of the more “familiar” trends is that of the male athletes and female students. The male athletes and others in their peer group are treated as heros and put on a pedestal. They......
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Guys vs. Men
...Composition February 2, 2008 Summary DAVE BARRY Guys vs. Men Dave Barry’s insight in Guys vs. Men begins to explore the world of the male figure. Barry touches base on a few things that he believes separates guys and men apart. Barry first mentions that “Guys Like Neat Stuff” and begins to explain that guys enjoy things that are unnecessary to have and perhaps a bit over the top but they are things that make them happy and keep them entertained. Barry then moves into talking about how “Guys Like A Really Pointless Challenge”. Barry mentions that guys often engage in activities that are beyond what should be the standard rational of middle aged men. His thoughts on how “Guys Do Not Have A Well-Defined Moral Code” briefly delves into how guys know that they are expected to perform and act a certain way, yet they often completely disregard these ideas held by others on how they should act, not on purpose but just because they are in fact guys. The last thing Barry brings up is that “Guys Are Not Great At Communicating Their Intimate Feelings, Assuming They Have Any”. Barry presents the idea that guys tend to keep personal issues, just that, personal. Guys generally keep answers to questions they don’t want to answer brief at best, and the only time they share how they feel is most often when in the company of another guy friend. Dave Barry’s Guys vs. Men is a funny, interesting and seemingly true effort at explaining who guys really are, and why they are that way....
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Men vs. Women
...Chance Thao Masanz SG 7-9 Men vs. Women Who has it Tougher? Who really has it tougher? Men and Women both have differences, but what makes one better than the other? If we had the opportunity to, I'd argue that both men and women have it the same, but we couldn't 'teeter-totter' between the two. So, I gave this topic a much deeper thought and I came to conclusion that the women really do have it harder than us men. If you think about it, women are so picky on their appearances, they also have way more work to do than the men, and finally, they have to deal with giving birth. To start off, I believe that the media plays a huge role in how women view themselves. In magazines and ads you see all sorts of models having the "perfect body" and a lot of women look up to these models. This is also why women work so hard to look good. It's like a competition that is impossible to win. There are times where I would get really annoyed by my mom because she would ask me and my dad things like "do I look fine?", and I would reply with a compliment saying "you look great!" . But it never works! She would reply back saying "No, it doesn't look good" or "No, it doesn’t match" and she would go back into the bathroom or her bedroom and change into a totally new outfit. Sometimes this process would even repeat, which would drive me nuts! When going to a special occasion, women take forever and I loathe this kind thing that the women have a habit of doing! We men have it easy; we aren't......
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...That Guy: Hate at First Sight by Roanne Marie A. Orendain IV-Ampere It’s already been three years since I first met that guy. That guy who always love to make fun of me, that guy that always provokes me, that guy that can throws stuffs at my precious face, the one that I gave an endearment of “ATOL” (snail), in short that guy is a good-for-nothing schoolmate of mine that turns to be my first love. Yes, you read it right that guy that I hate the most turned to be my first love. I think love at first sight does not suit our story it must be hate at first sight. Our story begins with a little chat on facebook at first I thought that guy was cool, friendly and cute but those ideas are all wrong, because when our souls met at the path way after my biology subject that guy bumps me without any reason, then that guy throw a wrapper of candy at my face and he said some stuff that never meant to be told. That guy made me boil, so without any second thought I kick his front. I left him there kneeling, hurting and cussing me to death. I would not do that if he remains silent, but his mouth is unstoppable so I do that thing to make him stop from talking nonsense and make fun on my crushlife. I hate him because his so talkative and that guy hate me because I’s so impulsive and I guess our feelings are mutual we both hate each other because of what happened. Who would have known that I can make friends with that jerk? Without noticing we get closer and closer to the point that we......
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...Five Guys Ingredients to Success Danielle Rush Dr. Etta Steed BUS 508/ Contemporary Business October 24, 2013 Five Guys How it Started In 1968 Jerry and Janie Murrell gave their four sons a proposition; the four Murrell brothers had to either start up a business or go to college (Five Guys Holdings LLC, 2012). The boys decided that the restaurant business was the journey to embark upon. With the guidance of Jerry and Janie the first carryout only burger joint was opened in Arlington, Virginia in 1986 (Five Guys Holdings LLC, 2012). It cost the Murrell family $70,000 to open up the first Five Guys with the company being ran by Jerry, and his three sons: Matt, Jim, & Chad, while his wife Janie did the books (Burke, 2012). The Murrell family had one mission and that was to ensure the customers would be getting top quality burgers and fresh cut fries. The Murrell family knew that with good quality food and great customers the burgers and fries would speak for themselves and start to attract a crowd. Over the course of a few years the family found the recipe for success and what it takes to make a consistently great tasting burgers and fries time after time. Throughout the course of this paper the five guys philosophy, values, success, and the ethical and social practices of five guys culture will be discussed. Five Guys Philosophy Jerry Murrell and his sons maintain a focus on the freshest and high quality burgers and fries the customers can buy. Through......
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Of Mice and Men
...cf Of Mice and Men The novella “Of Mice and Men” by John Steinbeck teaches a lot about human behavior. We learn that each character’s past experiences, attitude, emotion, and their authority all have a great affect on the way they behave. The whole concept of human behavior is what ties together the themes of this short novel. Some of these themes include the impossibility of achieving the American dream, loneliness vs. companionship, and the predatory nature of human existence. Throughout the story these are reoccurring themes that are vital to comprehending the story. The theme of the impossibility of achieving the American dream is a huge part of the story. Many of the characters did not end up where they wanted to be in life. Some of them include Crooks, Curley’s wife, Lennie, and George. Crooks, the black ranch hand, is unable to reach his dreams because of his race. He is segregated from the other men and is viewed differently also because of his crooked back. He wants to be accepted by the others because he feels so alone that it drives him mad. Curley’s wife is also unable to reach her American dream because of her mother, along with her husband. She has dreamt of being an actress for a very long time and because of her mother is unable to move away in order to achieve her goals. Her husband holds her back because he could care less about her; he just wants to be able to show her off, to him she is just a trophy wife. Curley’s wife also tries......
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Tech vs Men
...Patrick Jacks. DBRGE 200 B- The Tools that Make Us Research Essay June 2013 Technology and Social behavior. When human beings are supposed to be free by nature, the truth is that we possess an obvious tendency to live under certain regimes that mark us and define us throughout our lives. We are creating in our own environment some features that enslave us but we are curiously interested to maintain. The essay is to support the idea that men,from birth, is victim of a consecutive series of technological regimes that has as a result an impact on society. It is a fact that technology has contributed tremendously to the development of society until this days. From the creation of devices, to detect several illness and other medical conditions, to products that will simplify our life at work and home. Two important questions to ask ourselves are: how are we being shaped by technology in society? And, how we are influencing technology? When analyzing the impacts on both sides we find many factors that influence are being influenced by its progress. Some of them are science, communication, information, education, medicine, in to others. When analyzing technological impact, a major contributor is ICT (Information and communications technology). According to Britanica Encyclopedia ICT are provided by computational tools and computer that process, store, synthesize, and present information retrieved represented in the most varied forms. It is a set of tools, supports and......
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Guys vs Men
...Manhood and its Manliness vs Your Basic Guy It has been known guys have a different point of view than a girl, but do guys really have to go past the limit of certain things to get through it all? In Dave Barry’s essay he states many things saying guys like neat stuff and like taking on pointless challenges. His tone is also in a joking matter for his essay, meaning not everything he says is serious. It’s probably there for comedy relief. Many of the things he says may be true but this doesn’t account for every guy out there. Though it might have happen sometime in a guy’s life doesn’t really mean it’s every day in their life. In his essay he has it broken down into three sections stating guys like neat stuff, really pointless challenges and do not have a moral code of some sort. Guys liking neat things doesn’t really mean like something that is clean like he states. It’s more mechanical base for most guys but there are some guys fascinated by other things than just cars and technology. Some can be interested in art, food, read and much more. That is a bias thing that most people think that guys find neat. When coming to challenges guys don’t back down from one any matter how stupid or meaningless it is. They like to be first or like to prove they are better than others. Yes, there will be some guys out there doing pointless challenges that make no sense at all. Though there are some challenges out there that guys would take seriously and try their best to do well at. For...
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Men vs Women
...Men and Women Communication Conversation is the most common form of communication, but it may not be as simple as we think it is. Women and men have many differences while communicating between each other. Men can only comprehend men, as women also comprehend in its totality to women. In the article “Sex, Lies, and Conversation” by Deborah Tannen is stated how women and men differ in the way they bond with each other, their childhood socialization, the physical positions each gender practices while communicating, and their listening habits. There are many differences in the way we bond with our gender. According to Tannen’s article, with women it is developing a relationship; intimacy and talk are the main practices that give strength to the relation, like exchanging secrets. However, men base their relationships on the things they do together: actual experiences. “Women expect their husband to be a new and improved version of best friend.”(Tannen 441) That implies that women are expecting men to respond as women do in certain conditions, like as said before exchanging secrets. This is one of the most remarkable differences between man and woman that make each other uncomfortable while communicating. In order for a gender to create a total different structure while socializing, it must be developed before, as we grow up from childhood. “Boys and girls tend to play with children of their own gender, and their sex-separate groups have different organizational......
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...battle that I been in. I was ready and a little terrified because how big there were there men were trained I barely knew how to fight. For a minute I was just waiting to get in to action but, I didn’t feel like because the guys seem like they were doing is like they have everything under control. I was just sitting while the soldiers were taking care of business then joined in because there was nothing else to do so I just came in. Also the war was epic I was just doing so good at fighting I barely got hit by anybody I was moving so fast I was doing all I can to beat my enemies. I was helping others as just they were helping me fight it took a long time to fight them. It was little struggle to fight them. Once the battle was over ever one was very tired and thirsty the battle wasn’t over with yet. I was very tired the battle was still on so went back home. It was dark by the time we came back home. I was the last person to sleep because I was just thinking about a lot of things. I still thought about how my parents died. I feel different form others for some reason I can never find out why. It feels so different next time we have the battle again which won’t be long I will better than last even though I was good. It was very good to be in that battle It was good. When I fought in the battle it kind of showed me how to be tough. It made me strong and feels powerful. I felt like a men instead of a little boy. When I was in battle I was being treated so good they......
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The Tick vs the Idea Men
...The Tick vs The Idea Men After bombarding the super hero convention in Reno, The Tick, a square-jawed, muscular, bright blue-costumed figure, is placed as the protector of "The City." On his first day on the job he meets Arthur, a neurotic accountant with a moth costume who dreams of becoming a super hero. They instantly become friends and protect The City from The Idea Men, villains who wear masks that make it impossible to enunciate. On their journey, they meet many other inadequate super heroes’. To put it simply, The Tick is a show that parodies popular comic book characters and character types. In the ‘The Tick vs. The Idea Men’ episode, multiple satirical super heroes are introduced. These characters are all a parody from previous super hero movies or shows. Characters such as Die Fledermaus, American Maid and Big Shot. Die Fledermaus is a parody of Batman. He seems to be an arrogant bat-like super hero. His costume has a big black cape and has bat characteristics such as oversized ears, and a realistic bat nose with huge nostrils. American Maid has stars and stripes down her French maid outfit. She is a mix between Captain America and wonder woman. She also seems to have had a bad romantic relationship with Die Fledermaus because when they both met in the first episode she called him ‘a jerk, a rabid goon, incredibly immature, and told him to go stink up a cave.’ Big Shot is a spoof of a character called The Punisher. Big Shot is a gun maniac, has a skull as......
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Of Mice and Men
...Of Mice and Men “The American Dream is that dream of a land in which life should be better and richer and fuller for everyone, with opportunity for each according to ability or achievement.” This quote from James Truslow Adams “The epic of America”, states one of the themes in the novella Of Mice and Men. John Steinbeck, the author of Of Mice and Men, deals with the topic of living through the great depression, as the readers follow the story of two migrants workers and their wish to fulfil their American Dream. Steinbeck’s inspiration for his novella can be linked back to his own life, as he was both born and raised in Salinas Valley, the most productive agricultural region in California. This essay will cover Of Mice and Men’s setting, the characterisation of major characters and the key themes identified within the novella. Two protagonists, Lennie and George, travel around together to obtain work. Within the novella, Steinbeck has presented two obvious settings, and focused on the contrast between them. Nearing the beginning of the book, the two men spend a night in a small, secluded glade near the river. The description of the nature area could be compared to heaven, just a beautiful place as described in this quote: “On one side of the river, the golden foothill slopes curve up to the strong and rocky Galiban mountains” (page 1, line 5), where the nature is described as majestic, strong and even golden. However a contrast is formed with the two men entering the......
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Girl vs. Guy
...Janessa Sklavos March 10, 2015 I refuse to be oppressed because of my sex. Females are strongly criticized on a daytoday basis. e are expected to look and act a certain way just to fit in with society’s version of ‘normal’ and beautiful. If we do not end up meeting those expectations, we become unwanted and excluded by others. That day, I did not want to feel like I had to meet the expectations that are given to woman. Each culture has a specific guideline for woman, this doesn’t just happen to us, but it happens to men as well. Century after century, the perfect woman has been defined by different means. For instance, the way we perceive woman in the 21st century is different than how they did in the 18th century. During that time women were more voluptuous. They had curves and an attitude to match. In modern day America, most women are so insecure with their looks because ads,commercials, and people themselves give the impression that if you are not slim, then you are not wanted. This not only affects women physically but emotionally as well. This is how a lot of eating disorders come in to play such as: dieting and bulimia. Around 91% of women are unhappy with their body and let their imperfections take over, this is linked with selfesteem. Adolescents that are not taught to be confident and comfortable with themselves can lead to numerous activities that impact their lives forever such as: early sexual activity, abusing drugs ......
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Medicalization: Women vs. Men
...University Press, 2(1), 23-27 * Male medicalization is focused upon certain aspects such as andropause, baldness, and sexual performance such erectile dysfunction. Since the market of sexual enhancers such as Viagara (sildenafil citrate), medicalization has definitely taken charge. * Women have been the primary target in medicalization for numerous reasons, both physiologically and mentally. Mainly, women have the tendency to be more vulnerable to be exposed to medicalization in order to meet the definition of a “healthy body” * Argues that “numerous medical testosterone-based treatments have been offered to alleviate this “disorder”. (p. 25). Many parties contribute to medicalization of the male bodies, medicine, expectations of men, pharmaceutical effects, and naturally occurring aging. Kuhlnann, E & Annandale, E. (2010). The Palgrave Handbook of Gender and Healthcare Second Edition. Palgrave MacMillan, 2(4), 37-50. * Strategies have been established in order to promote gender equality in health policy planning. And violence against women has been implied to decrease the rates of sexual abuse for the female population. * Shows how “years of activism by women’s organizations coupled with gender analysis of health and violence have contributed to a greater recognition of violence.” (p. 39). * An emphasis has been put on the education promoted to young girls about sexual health, fertility, menopause and any aspect of the female health......
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...Leanne Westphal Humanities 70 Contemporary Television 2 April 2016 Offended Much? Sick, twisted and politically incorrect seems to be the special brew for the hit animated series Family Guy. In this essay the author writes about the balance between humorous and offensive and the fine line the writers walk to create humor. I like to think this animated show has found that balance for its viewers. Family Guy has been under fire by many groups of people over the years for its taste and indecency. Groups from the Parents Television Council to the Venezuelan Government have filed complaints with the FCC regarding the content of episodes and also have banned the series completely from airing in their country. This series has many groups of people up in arms for the way it has carried its motto of “The show is an equal-opportunity offender” (Sarah Palin vs. Family Guy: Seth MacFarlane Responds (sort Of).Web. 02 Apr. 2016.). I have watched this show numerous times but I would not call myself a dedicated viewer. I find the show to be humorous and tune in to get a laugh when needed. It’s an animated series that I would never take serious nor would it ever offend me. It’s a TV show plain and simple. There are far more issues in this world to take on that would be far more productive for these groups other than trying to bring down a show that parents can change the channel to. The ability of the writers to bring humor into life situations I feel is amazing. When did we......
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